Tut--My Epic Battle to Save the World Read online

  “The monkey?” Thoth said. “That guy hates games.”

  “No,” I said, because I wasn’t sure Henry was up to lying to Thoth. With the protection thing and all, Thoth might know. “He loves them. In fact, we heard it on good account that he was boasting that he could beat you.”

  “He was not!” Thoth said.

  “I was as shocked as you,” I said. “But that’s what the rumor is.”

  My ability to twist the truth would impress even Colonel Cody. Maybe Thoth believed me. Or maybe he read my mind but didn’t care, given the possibility of a challenge.

  Thoth stood back up. “Well, if that’s how Hapi wants to play it, consider it game on. Catch you all later.” And without another word, he skated away, as fast as immortally possible—which was really fast.

  “Henry!” someone called.

  I looked toward the voice, and there was Blair, still standing at the window of the limousine. She pointed at us, I guess for her dad, and waved. And it would have been completely rude, even for me, not to wave back, so I did, even though I couldn’t see whoever was in the car. Maybe they waved. Maybe they didn’t. It wasn’t at the top of my concerns list.

  “You know her dad’s going to run for Senate,” Henry said. His eyes were super-wide, as if somehow being a senator was cooler than being an immortal.

  “I’m not going to vote for him,” I said. It was a technicality that I’d never be old enough to vote. I grabbed half of Henry’s sandwich, because he’d managed to buy us a little time, and food helped me think more clearly. If I’d known I’d be at camp all day, I would have had Lieutenant Virgil pack me some bacon scones or something.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I finally saw the limousine drive away, and I knew Blair would be coming back. Henry would once again be captivated by her girlie charms, or something like that. But I’ll be completely honest. My mind was fixed on Tia, who was completely avoiding looking at me. I still couldn’t believe she’d said my name.

  Someone screamed, an eardrum-piercing shrill sound that probably would ripple through the air for miles. When I turned to look, Blair was lying on the ground, near a short retaining wall.

  Henry was up in a second and running over to her.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  But she obviously wasn’t because she was clutching her ankle and crying and really making a show of it. It looked like she might have tripped on the retaining wall.

  “I think it’s broken!” she wailed.

  Camp Counselor Crystal was there after Henry and called for an ambulance because Blair’s dad’s limousine was already gone. Henry never left Blair’s side. And when the ambulance finally arrived, Blair begged and pleaded with Henry to ride along with her to the hospital.

  “I have to go with her, Tut,” he said, glancing at the medics who were lifting Blair onto a stretcher.

  “What a drama queen,” Tia said. “You’d think the world was ending. She probably just sprained it.”

  “She really hurt it,” Henry said with such earnestness, I knew he believed it.

  “It’s fine,” I said. “Tia and I will go to the museum. You can catch up with us later.”

  Henry nodded and ran off, back to Blair, who clutched his arm like it was her life raft.

  Two people would be way easier than three, anyway. Plus, after the whole kiss thing, I didn’t mind spending a little extra time alone with Tia.

  21

  WHERE I MAKE A SOLEMN VOW IN EXCHANGE FOR COOKIES

  With Henry gone, there was zero guilt making me stick around for the rest of camp. I ditched it the first time Camp Counselor Crystal looked the other way. Tia and I set out from the Botanical Gardens. I thought about texting Captain Otis and having him send a couple shabtis along, but with Hapi out of the picture, there shouldn’t be any obstacles. I’d snuck into plenty of museums in my time. The Smithsonian Museum of American History was no different. Sure, they’d remodeled a few years back and upped the security, but I was an immortal. I wasn’t worried.

  But immortal or not, even though I’d been the pharaoh of Egypt, even though I’d lived for thousands of years, walking with Tia alone after the whole kiss and then the words thing … it was completely awkward. I had no idea what to say. Tia had that effect on me.

  “Your cookies were pretty good,” I said. “Maybe you can make some and bring them by my townhouse sometime.” Lieutenants Virgil and Leon shouldn’t have a problem with that. They were always looking for great new recipes. They’d been fixated on the scones thing for a while now.

  “Don’t hold your breath, Boy King,” Tia said.

  “Oh, come on,” I said. “Don’t I at least deserve a plate of cookies?”

  She stopped walking and turned to me. “For what?”

  Was she kidding? “For stealing that stupid scepter for you.”

  “Hmmm…” Tia said, like she had to really consider it.

  “You’d never have gotten it without me,” I said. “It’s my immortal skills.”

  “It’s your immortal something,” Tia said. “So this plate … you think they’ll just hand it over to you?”

  “Of course not,” I said. “But I have a plan.”

  Tia’s eyes grew wide in mock surprise. “Oh, please do tell, Great Pharaoh.”

  “Well,” I said, trying to sound as confident as I could. Using my pharaoh voice around Tia was just awkward. “I’m going to find the nearest guard. And I’m going to ask him to unlock the case.”

  Tia laughed. “You’re just going to ask him to unlock it? And you think he’ll listen?”

  “Of course he’ll listen,” I said. “You forget, I have spells.”

  “Right,” Tia said. “Those spells you tried to cast on me? To make me forget who you were? Those worked pretty great.”

  “You already knew,” I said, only losing a small bit of my confidence. “It’s not like I can erase an entire memory. I work more on a short-term basis.”

  “Ah,” Tia said. “So once the guard unlocks the case, then what? You ask him to give you the plate?”

  “Sure,” I said. “Just a short-term loan. I’ll promise to give it back.”

  “No, you won’t,” Tia said.

  “Of course I will.” I had no need to keep the Sun Disk of Ra. Once I’d saved Gil and imprisoned Apep, I’d be happy to return it.

  “Um, no, Tut,” Tia said. “You’re not putting it back.”

  “Wait, why do you care?” I said. And then a lightbulb went on in my brain. “Oh, I get it. You want the sun disk, too. For your little quest you’re on. I’m right, aren’t I?”

  “It’s not a little quest,” Tia said. “It’s really important. And yes, as a matter of fact, the Sun Disk of Ra is one of the objects I’m out to get.”

  “So you think I should just hand it over to you?”

  She stopped walking again. We’d gotten to the bottom of the steps leading up to the museum. And her eyes got really wide. “Please, Tut?” she said.

  I swear my insides went all gooey again. I’d have given Tia the throne of Egypt in that moment if there was still such a thing.

  “Would you stop doing that?”

  “Doing what?” she said, batting her eyelashes. And she smiled so sweetly that all I thought about was making her happy. It was like Tia had these mystical, magical powers that made me do anything she wanted. It was totally unfair.

  “Trying to use your female charms to get what you want.” I forced myself to look away from her and started up the steps. I was not going to fall into her trap so easily.

  “I’m not using any female charms,” Tia said, hurrying to catch up to me. “But do we have a deal?”

  “A deal?” I said. “I don’t remember you offering up anything in return, and the last time I checked, that’s how deals normally work.”

  “Fine,” Tia said. “What do you want?”

  I didn’t even hesitate. It’s not like I wouldn’t give the sun disk to Tia once I was done with it. With Apep imprisoned, there
would be no immediate need for it, and hey, if I could help the greater good and bring the gods together, then why shouldn’t I? I was all about helping others.

  “Cookies. Fresh-baked by you, delivered to my townhouse,” I said.

  Tia rolled her eyes, but I could see how she was trying to hide her smile. “Fine. Cookies.”

  “Every day for a week,” I finished.

  “Oh, that is so not fair,” Tia said.

  “Take it or leave it,” I said. I had no intention of backing down. I wanted cookies, but seeing Tia for a week seemed pretty cool, too.

  And so we had a deal.

  We headed into the museum and up to the third floor.

  It was afternoon in the summer near the Fourth of July. The museum was packed. There was actually a line to get into the exhibit. I hated waiting in lines, so I figured it was the perfect opportunity to test out my newly regained spells. A guard stood at the entrance, letting a couple people in at a time. Tia and I walked up. I was sure I could get him to let us in.

  “No line-cutting,” he said, not even looking at me.

  “It’s okay for us to cut the line,” I said, and I summoned the spells that I used to know so well. Certain scents, working together, had amazing powers over the brain.

  Or at least they should have.

  “It’s not okay for you to cut the line,” the guard said.

  So I tried again. “It’s fine. We don’t want to wait in the line.”

  “Nope,” the guard said, and he finally looked me in the eye.

  “Imsety?” I said. “What are you doing here?” Not an hour ago I’d seen him in the Hall of Artifacts.

  “Duh,” Imsety said. “Protecting national treasures. What do you think?”

  “But … but you were just…” I pointed back in the direction of the Library of Congress.

  “Yeah,” Imsety said. “And I know you were eavesdropping. You and your little girlfriend.”

  “Not his girlfriend,” Tia said, crossing her arms.

  I forced myself not to respond to her comment. But I would be an awesome boyfriend. I was the pharaoh, after all. At one point, I’d been the most important person in the world. I was perfect boyfriend material.

  “And we weren’t eavesdropping,” I said.

  “Yeah,” Imsety said. “Like we’re going to believe that. What? You’re just here by coincidence?”

  “Well, of course not,” I said. “But you know Hapi is going to come here.”

  “Exactly,” Imsety said. “Which is why Qeb and I are guarding the place. Just because storage is off-site doesn’t mean that we aren’t responsible for the security of it.”

  I didn’t think Imsety and Qeb were responsible for much. The fact that they were here, that they’d actually connected the dots and realized Hapi would come after the sun disk … well, it skewed my whole view of them.

  “Just let us cut the line,” I said. I went over in my mind all the possible ways I could convince them to let me have the sun disk.

  “No way, Little Tut,” Imsety said.

  I cringed at the nickname. Tia elbowed me. I would’ve died of embarrassment on the spot if I wasn’t immortal.

  “Can we at least see it?” Tia said. “Please?” She clasped her hands together and batted her eyelashes in the exact same way she’d done only minutes earlier when she was trying to get me to give her the sun disk. But this time it was working completely to my advantage.

  Imsety softened instantly. He glanced back over his shoulder. Through the room, I spotted Qeb with his falcon head standing near a glass display case.

  “Well,” Imsety said. “I guess it couldn’t hurt to let you guys cut the line, just this once.”

  Was there anything Tia couldn’t do?

  “But Qeb’s watching you,” Imsety said. “So don’t go touching anything.”

  “Of course not,” Tia said with such earnestness in her voice, I almost believed her.

  Imsety was a complete pushover. He stepped aside and let us pass. Only a few people grumbled behind us. The line was pretty long. They’d probably been waiting an hour. Which I still couldn’t get over. Who would wait an hour to see a bunch of dresses and plates? I don’t care who they’d belonged to.

  Tia and I walked past the line, right over to where Qeb stood. No one noticed his falcon head. He stood in front of a glass case displaying tons of plates and cups and all sorts of china that would probably break if someone spooned their soup the wrong way. Sure, I had special dishes at home. Colonel Cody had insisted upon it, stating that only solid gold was befitting a king. I’d refused the gold, and we’d squabbled back and forth, finally settling on Fiestaware.

  “Little Tut,” Qeb said.

  Tia snickered.

  “And Little Tut’s girlfriend,” Qeb said.

  This made her stop laughing. “Not his girlfriend.” She pointed to herself. “Seriously. Not. His. Girlfriend.”

  “You don’t have to be so emphatic,” I said. I couldn’t help myself.

  “Obviously I do, Little Tut,” she said.

  That was when I knew I was way out of my league. I was up against a god and a girl. I had to drop it.

  “So what are you guarding?” Tia said, looking around behind Qeb.

  “Oh, you know, just some plates,” Qeb said.

  “You’re sure doing a good job of guarding them,” Tia said. “You know, you and Imsety are probably the best guards this place has ever seen.”

  “Can we please just cut to it?” I said. I did not have time to waste with ridiculous chitchat. “You know exactly why we’re here.”

  “’Course I do,” Qeb said. “It’s why we’re here.”

  I put my hands up in front of me. “Here’s the thing. We really need the sun disk.”

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Qeb said.

  “No, you don’t get it,” I said. “We really, really need it. Like the world is going to end if we don’t get it.”

  Qeb flicked his wrists at my petty words. “The world is always going to end. Every other day there’s some crazy threat. This god or that god wanting to take over.”

  “There is?” I said. I had no clue what Qeb was talking about.

  Imsety walked up to join us.

  “Well, not quite,” Qeb said. “But there could be. That’s the point. And if we, as the guardians of the Hall of Artifacts, just let anyone come and take stuff, well, what kind of guardians would we even be?”

  “The responsible kind?” I said. “The kind that doesn’t want the world to end?”

  Imsety shook his head. “The world is not going to end.”

  “You know,” Tia said, “not to side with Tut here, but he’s actually right. There are some pretty big issues right now.”

  “Yeah, like you guys’ dad. When’s the last time you saw him?” I asked.

  Imsety looked to Qeb and they both shrugged. “No clue? A few months ago, maybe.”

  “Right,” I said. “Well, the last time I saw him, he tried to kill me.” I could still feel Horus’s claws digging into my scalp.

  Imsety’s eyes grew wide. “Our dad did? You’re sure?”

  I nodded. “Of course I’m sure. This whole thing with Apep. It’s driving him insane. He can’t take the darkness. It’s like his new-moon curse, but permanent.”

  “Oh, that’s not good,” Qeb said. “Dad is bananas during the new moon.”

  “But I can fix it,” I said. “All I need is the sun disk. If you let me borrow it—I promise I’ll bring it back—I can make everything better.” I’d save Gil and save the world.

  Qeb narrowed his falcon eyes at me. “If that’s true, Little Tut, then why don’t we just give it to Hapi? He is a god, after all.”

  It was a good question. And I wasn’t sure my answer would convince Imsety and Qeb. They weren’t the biggest fans of Gil.

  “Here,” I said. “Ask me some questions. We can do the whole trivia challenge thing again.” Last time I needed something from them, I had to
answer a bunch of ridiculous trivia questions with even more ridiculous answers.

  “Play the same game twice?” Imsety said. “No way. You’d know all the answers.”

  I shook my head. “You can ask me different questions.”

  “Hmmm…” Qeb seemed to consider this.

  “I don’t think that’s an option,” Imsety said. “It’s too easy.”

  There had been nothing easy about my last trivia match with Horus’s sons. I’d nearly lost everything.

  “We could make it harder,” Qeb said.

  Not a good idea. So I went for the truth. “It’s because of Gil.”

  “Gil?” Imsety said. “That stick-in-the-mud you’re always hanging out with?”

  “Yes!” I said, though Gil wouldn’t like me agreeing with that. “Apep has him as a prisoner. And he’s going to kill Gil if I don’t free him.”

  “Gil’s kind of annoying,” Qeb said.

  “That doesn’t mean he should die,” I said. “And if your brother Hapi gets the disk and goes after Apep, he’s not going to worry about Gil. Gil will die. It’s why I have to do it. I’m the only one who can save him.”

  I erased Nephthys’s words from my mind. That I would fail. That I wasn’t strong enough. There was no place for those words here and now.

  “You remember that time he tattled on me to Horus?” Qeb said.

  “Which time?” Imsety said. “There were about fifty.”

  “Come on, guys. Gil can’t die.” And my voice kind of cracked, but I didn’t care because I had to get the sun disk.

  Something must have worked because Imsety’s face softened. With Qeb and his falcon head it was hard to tell.

  “You make a compelling argument, Little Tut,” Imsety said, and I knew it was going to work. They’d give me the sun disk, and I’d get on with saving the world.

  Except then every siren in the museum started blaring.

  22

  WHERE I PICK THE PERFECT DISH

  Emergency lights flashed and everyone started screaming. Tia grabbed hold of my arm. I barely noticed. Something was way wrong.

  “What’s going on?” I asked Qeb and Imsety.